The art of one-upmanship!

A Choristers' Guide To Keeping Conductors In Line

This is NOT something that The Cleveland Orchestra Chorus condones or even understands really, as we've NEVER seen any singers do ANY of these things. I merely wanted to give you an insight into what we've been told OTHER singers do! :o)


The basic training of every singer should, of course, include myriad types of practical and theoretical emphases. One important area which is often neglected, however, is the "art of one-upmanship". The following rules are intended as guides to the development of habits which will promote the proper type of relationship between singer and conductor.

1. Never be satisfied with the starting pitch. If the conductor uses a pitch-pipe, make known your preference for pitches from the piano and vice-versa.

2. Complain about the temperature of the rehearsal room, the lighting, crowded space, and of a draft. It's best to do this when the conductor is under pressure.

3. Bury your head in the music just before cues.

4. Ask for a re-audition or seating change. Ask often. Give the impression you're about to quit. Let the conductor know you're there as a personal favor.

5. Loudly clear your throat during pauses (tenors are trained to do this from birth). Quiet instrumental interludes are a good chance to blow your nose.

6. Long after a passage has gone by, ask the conductor if your C# was in tune. This is especially effective if you had no C# or were not singing at the time.

7. At dramatic moments in the music (which the conductor is emoting), be busy marking your music so that the climaxes will sound empty and disappointing.

8. Wait until well into a rehearsal before letting the conductor know that you don't have the music.

9. Look at your watch frequently. Shake it in disbelief occasionally.

10. When possible, sing your part either an octave above or below what is written. This is excellent ear-training for the conductor. If he hears the pitch, deny it vehemently and claim that it must have been the combination tone.

11. Tell the conductor, "I can't find the beat." Conductors are always sensitive about their "stick technique" so challenge it frequently.

12. If you are singing in a language with which the conductor is the least bit unfamiliar, ask her as many questions as possible about the meaning of individual words. If this fails, ask her about the pronunciation of the most difficult words. Occasionally, say the word twice and ask her preference, making to say it exactly the same both times. If she remarks on their similarity, give her a look of utter disdain and mumble under your breath about the "subtleties of inflection".

13. Ask the conductor if he has listened to the von Karajan recording of the piece. Imply that he could learn a thing or two from it. Also good: ask, "Is this the first time you've conducted this piece?"

14. If your articulation differs from that of others singing the same phrase, stick to your guns. Do not ask the conductor which is correct until backstage just before the concert.

15. Find an excuse to leave the rehearsal about 15 minutes early so that others will become restless and start to fidget.

Make every effort to take the attention away from the podium and put it on you, where it belongs!
 

Teamwork

Some members of COC had the privilege, this week to join Robert Porco's "other choral family" the May Festival Chorus in Cincinnati, where he was being honored as their choral director for the last 20 years -actually 21, but James Conlon was celebrating his 30th season as MFC's music director, so Bob's 20th was bumped a year.


When we arrived in the rehearsal room members of the May Festival Chorus (MFC) were wearing T-shirts with "Team Porco" on the back.

That was a very telling statement. When you sing in a chorus, there should be no stars, no stand outs, no individuals. There should be a single cohesive entity working together as a team to create the most beautiful music possible.

However, a team will always need a leader. This is where Bob comes in. For the last 12 of those 20 years Bob has driven approx 500 miles round trip weekly, from Cleveland to Cincinnati to rehearse both choruses. Rehearsals are generally 3 hours long and cover the music we will be performing at our next concerts. Bob leads us in a vocal warm-up, then we go to work, learning, refining and perfecting the music. So who decides how the music should sound? Who translates what the composer meant by a certain marking in the score? Who has to know the back story to a piece of music heard often or possibly never before? The director of course!

So entering a new rehearsal room, in a new city with new people around us, we were naturally curious as to how it would go.

Warm ups sounded the same. On to the piece. "Belshazzars feast". Hmmm, same markings, same phrasing, similar sound quality - different singers obviously create their own unique sound. How is it possible for 2 choruses who live 250 miles apart, and who never rehearse together, to be so instantly harmonious....It can only be the leadership.

Bob requires, and expects, nothing but the best from us. He knows what we are capable of and won't let us get away with anything less - however hard we try sometimes to get away with it.

This is one of the reasons we all work so hard for him. Equally, this is why he works so hard for us!

As you'll see in the link below, all our hardwork paid off, for the audience and chorus members combined! So thank you MFC, for allowing Clevelanders to play on the Cincinnati team for a game. We loved it!

http://news.cincinnati.com/article/20100522/ENT03/305220012/1025/ENT/May-Chorus-honors-director

SATB CHORUS - vaguely defined

In any chorus, there are essentially four voice parts: soprano, alto, tenor, and bass (SATB). There are also various other parts such as baritone, countertenor, contralto, mezzo soprano, etc. but these are mostly used by people who are either soloists, or belong to some excessively hotshot classical a cappella group (this applies especially to countertenors), or are trying to make excuses for not really fitting into any of the regular voice parts, so we will ignore them for now.

Each voice part sings in a different range, and each one has a very different personality, which I will now describe...

THE SOPRANOS are the ones who sing the highest, and because of this they think they rule the world. They have longer hair, fancier jewelry, and swishier skirts than anyone else, and they consider themselves insulted if they are not allowed to go at least to a high F in every movement of any given piece. When they reach the high notes, they hold them for at least half again as long as the composer and/or conductor requires, and then complain that their throats are killing them and that the composer and conductor are sadists. Sopranos have varied attitudes toward the other sections of the chorus, though they consider all of them inferior. Altos are to sopranos rather like second violins to first violins - nice to harmonize with, but not really necessary. All sopranos have a secret feeling that the altos could drop out and the piece would sound essentially the same, and they don't understand why anybody would sing in that range in the first place - it's so boring. Tenors, on the other hand, can be very nice to have around; besides their flirtation possibilities (it is a well-known fact that sopranos never flirt with basses), sopranos like to sing duets with tenors because all the tenors are doing is working very hard to sing in a low-to-medium soprano range, while the sopranos are up there in the stratosphere showing off. To sopranos, basses are the scum of the earth - they sing too damn loud, are useless to tune to because they're down in that low, low range - and there has to be something wrong with anyone who sings in the F clef, anyway.

THE ALTOS are the salt of the earth - in their opinion, at least. Altos are unassuming people, who would wear jeans to concerts if they were allowed to. Altos are in a unique position in the chorus in that they are unable to complain about having to sing either very high or very low, and they know that all the other sections think their parts are pitifully easy. But the altos know otherwise. They know that while the sopranos are screeching away on a high A, they are being forced to sing elaborate passages full of sharps and flats and tricks of rhythm, and nobody is noticing because the sopranos are singing too loud (and the basses usually are too). Altos get a deep, secret pleasure out of conspiring together to tune the sopranos flat. Altos have an innate distrust of tenors, because the tenors sing in almost the same range and think they sound better. They like the basses, and enjoy singing duets with them - the basses just sound like a rumble anyway, and it's the only time the altos can really be heard. Altos' other complaint is that there are always too many of them and so they never get to sing really loud.

THE TENORS are spoiled. That's all there is to it. For one thing, there are never enough of them, and choir directors would rather sell their souls than let a halfway decent tenor quit, while they're always ready to unload a few altos at half price. And then, for some reason, the few tenors there are are always really good - it's one of those annoying facts of life.. So it's no wonder that tenors always get swollen heads - after all, who else can make sopranos swoon? The one thing that can make tenors insecure is the accusation (usually by the basses) that anyone singing that high couldn't possibly be a real man.. In their usual perverse fashion, the tenors never acknowledge this, but just complain louder about the composer being a sadist and making them sing so damn high. Tenors have a love-hate relationship with the conductor, too, because the conductor is always telling them to sing louder because there are so few of them. No conductor in recorded history has ever asked for less tenor in a forte passage. Tenors feel threatened in some way by all the other sections - the sopranos because they can hit those incredibly high notes; the altos because they have no trouble singing the notes the tenors kill themselves for; and the basses because, although they can't sing anything above an E, they sing it loud enough to drown the tenors out. Of course, the tenors would rather die than admit any of this. It is a little-known fact that tenors move their eyebrows more than anyone else while singing.

THE BASSES sing the lowest of anybody. This basically explains everything. They are stolid, dependable people, and have more facial hair than anybody else. The basses feel perpetually unappreciated, but they have a deep conviction that they are actually the most important part (a view endorsed by musicologists, but certainly not by sopranos or tenors), despite the fact that they have the most boring part of anybody and often sing the same note (or in endless fifths) for an entire page. They compensate for this by singing as loudly as they can get away with - most basses are tuba players at heart. Basses are the only section that can regularly complain about how low their part is, and they make horrible faces when trying to hit very low notes. Basses are charitable people, although they hate tuning the tenors more than almost anything else. Basses like altos - except when they have duets and the altos get the good part. As for the sopranos, they are simply in an alternate universe which the basses don't understand at all. They can't imagine why anybody would ever want to sing that high and sound that bad when they make mistakes. When a bass makes a mistake, the other three parts will cover him, and he can continue on his merry way, knowing that sometime, somehow, he will end up at the root of the chord.

You may feel that some of this does not apply to you or your chorus....but I bet it does!
Now you know as much as anyone alive about being in an SATB chorus, use this knowledge wisely!

A little background on The Cleveland Orchestra Chorus

The Cleveland Orchestra Chorus is one of the few professionally-trained, all-volunteer choruses left that is sponsored by an American orchestra. We perform with the Orchestra in four to six subscription concert weekends each season and in the Orchestra's annual Christmas concerts at Severance Hall.

Cleveland Orchestra Chorus members hail from all over northeast Ohio, including nearly 50 area communities. In recent years some have traveled for weekly rehearsals from as far away as Youngstown, Wooster, and Orville. We all feel that being a part of this Chorus is a privilege which is why 150 members donate over 40,000 hours annually in rehearsal and performance time.  Members range in age from 18 to 75, and at least half-a-dozen singers have been members for over 35 years.

If you ever get the chance to visit Severance Hall on an evening when we are singing, we hope that you not only realize the professionalism of our Chorus but experience the joy we feel when we take the stage.